Sunset by the XX

I saw you again, it felt like we had never met
It's like the sun set in your eyes and never wanted to rise
And what have you done with the one I love?
When I look into your eyes, I see no surprise

I always thought it was sad
The way we act like strangers
After all that we had
We act like we had never met

We make believe, I've never seen your face, you neither mine
And catch my eye, don't register a smile
You were more than just a friend, oh but the feeling
It never came to an end, I can't bear to see you

I always thought it was a shame
That we have to play these games
It felt like you really knew me
Now it feels like you see through me

When I see you again
I'll know not to expect
Stay one step away
We will have to wait

When I see you again
And I'm greeted as a friend
It is understood
That we did all we could

I always thought it was sad
The way we act like strangers
After all that we had
We act like we had never met

I always thought it was a shame
That we have to play these games
It felt like you really knew me
Now it feels like you see through me


I feel like this with a lot of people in my life, not only guys, but girls who were my best friends, who now are just someone that I used to know. I feel like there are so many people that I was SO close to, that are just complete strangers now, but we aren't strangers because they knew everything about me back then, and I knew pretty much everything about them, but we never talk anymore. Its sad.
People come in go in Life, everyone is in your life for a reason, and some people will only be a part of your life for a short time, but maybe that's what you needed, maybe you learned something from them that will help you in the future when you knew them? Maybe they learned something from you? Sometimes I wish friendships never faded away, or that the people I loved so much in the past still said hi. But looking back at all the people in my life, I am thankful. I am thankful for every single person that has been there for me at some point, I'm thankful for all the people I watched movies with, or just talked to in class, or had endless sleepovers with. I'm thankful for the guys in my life who I once loved. I don't think back on any of my relationships with regrets, there is nothing I can change, even with the one relationship that got me sent away. I don't regret any friendships I formed, even if that person ended up hurting me. Because everyone that has been in my life, has been a part of making me who I am, and I wouldn't change the past for anything because the person who I am right now is evidence of all the people that have shaped me and molded me. Everyone in your life is a blessing, but some blessings are results of trials, like if there is someone who hurts you, either emotionally or physically or any type of abuse. That person indeed sucks! But they will get what they deserve. Karma is B*t#h. And you will be stronger because of the adversity you go through.

I think its helpful to be thankful, even being thankful for the bad things that have happened to you. It helps me to have a better perspective on life, a happier life. 

Alone

The sun is fading

The cars have all gone home

what could have been is over

was over long ago

But still the thought will haunt me

when I lie awake in bed

of what it would have been like

if everything was different.

But of course I cannot change the past

Its a history that cannot be erased

But the memories of you and me

will never go away

Even though I try to forget you

your a scar of mine that will not heal

These next few months

are a mixture of emotions

I'm moving out, I'm moving on

and the next chapter of life will unfurl.

But what sucks the most is that I wasn't there

for what this past year should have been

For all the fun my friends were having

and the experiences they had

I wasn't there for any of it

damn, I wish i had

I'll never understand why I had to leave

while he was the one who stayed

He became a high-school drop out

devoted his time to drinking

and became a drug dealer, addict

while I was the one that got sent away

to a place like rehab

Still I think of what it might have been like

to live that "normal" life 

to go to prom

graduate with a big high-school class

but whats the point

It'll just make me sad

I know I've come further than the rest

conquered more then the average 18 year old

hiked more than you could imagine

I've overcome the world that was killing me

I should be so proud

and my sins I did atone

but all I feel right now is

alone

I am writing a Book!

My Mother and Me are beginning our book this week! Not just talking about it, we've already been doing that, but now we are both sitting down and taking the time to write our story. Its a pretty darn good story, and it's my story, about everything that has happened in the last 3 years, and its been quite dramatic. We don't have a name for the book yet, but its going to be about 12 chapters, from both of our perspectives each chapter. It's a really emotional story, and just writing it brings back a lot of memories and reopens wounds, and its difficult to see what I am typing when the tears are just flying out of my eyes, and the snot is just flooding out of my nose. Good thing I have a big box of tissues next to the keyboard! I know that this book will touch a lot of people's lives for the good, because there are people who need to hear the story, people who are going through the same struggles and hardships that me and my family went through. And I hope that we can get it published after we finish it! I'll be keeping this blog updated with snips of the book! 

So here is my foreword(unedited and first draft)

Everyone has a story, and each person goes through different times of hardship. For most of us human beings, being a teenager is a very trying and rough time, it’s a time when we are trying to figure out who we are, what we stand for, and what we ultimately want with our futures. But in today’s world being a teenager is harder than ever, there are more evils that poison our thoughts, and create false realities that we then think are what we should be like, or what other people should be like. Now more than ever, there is sexual carelessness that plagues and destroys people’s lives, there are more drugs that are readily available and easily accessible that destroys people’s minds, bodies, and families, and teenagers fall victim much more easily than adults. We don’t always think before we act, we want to “be cool”, we want to “fit in”, we get random influxes of strong emotions either negative or positive at a whim, and we are fragile creatures that are hurt easily, judge quickly, and hold grudges. But being a teenager isn’t all bad; it’s amazing all at the same time. It’s one of the greatest periods of growth in our brains. Which means we can either learn to be good or to be bad; and once we are done growing in our brains, which ever power had the greater influence will most likely dictate the rest of that person’s lives. So the reason I am writing this book is to tell the story of what happened to me as a teenager, I’m not the only girl out there with this type of experience and I know that I can hopefully help girls that were in my situation to see the light, and to help parents to be there for their children. This book that my Mother and me are writing is a book unlike any other book I have read, it’s all true, it’s a non-fiction about real events and struggles that I went through and that my family went through, and I feel like it needs to be shared, I feel like someone out there needs these words, and needs to hear my story. Not to sound conceded, but it’s an inspiring story and it has a lot of power. But you’re going to have to read it, to know what it’s about.

Peek Beyond the Leaves

Best Best Friend ever <3